Guilty Secrets
by EllieInTheMiddle
Summary: Each death barely concealed a lie. Merlin cannot keep it together for much longer, all it will take is one more disaster... OR Arthur comforts Merlin after his mothers death. Rated T for upsetting themes, just to be safe
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first fanfiction! Hope you like it. btw the dialogue at the start is not really relevant, just a bit of foreshadowing ;), i don't know who is talking to Kilgarrah, probably just another all seeing druid or something... **

**This hasn't been beta'd, and it will probably only be 2 chapters long. I'll give you the next bit when i get 5 reviews. Is that fair? Enjoy...**

" _I am worried about Emrys, Kilgarrah. He has a lot to bear, so much death to cope with, so many secrets to keep._ _Much more of this and even he will crack, I am sure of it." _

"_I'm afraid I agree with you, but there is nothing we can do now, but let fate take her course. I worry that Merlin comes close to revealing a secret to Arthur every time he grieves for someone. With his friend William, it was his powers, with the druid girl it was his love for her, with the dragonlord it was his lineage... It is a consequence of them being so close, I should have foreseen it. If he is, as you say, close to breaking, then I fear the next death may mean that Arthur learns everything" __

Arthur had just returned from training his knights. He had left Merlin that morning with a list of the usual chores, and he fully expected that his incompetent servant will have "forgotten" most of them when he opened the door to his chambers. Right again, he thought to himself as he stepped into his untidy room, noting the dirty floor, the ashy fireplace, and the piles of clothes on the bed. In fact, he thought it doesn't look like Merlin has done anything at all today. It was late afternoon, Merlin had had hours to complete his jobs, and he hadn't done a single one? Even for Merlin, that was lax. Unease shifted in Arthur's gut. Had something happened? ... No, he was overreacting. But maybe, he should go down to Gaius' quarters just in case...

He knocked on the door, but heard no reply. He quickly squashed the irrational panic, Gaius was just out seeing to patients, and Merlin was... Merlin had decided to clean the stables again? He shook his head and pushed open the door. The room was empty, but Arthur heard voices in the room beyond. He started forward, but stopped short. The voices were distressed, distraught, even. And one voice was Merlin's. He felt a rush of anger at whatever had caused his fr... servant this much distress, and had to overcome the strong urge to throw open the door and offer any comfort he could. He knew he should leave them alone, whatever had happened, it was obviously upsetting, and Arthur didn't want to intrude. So he retreated to his chambers, hoping that Merlin would be back to his usual cheery self to keep him company soon.

_That morning..._

Merlin watched his master strut through the courtyard below the window with a smile, and then turned back to his chores. Uurgh, cleaning the floor again, he thought miserably. I swear he makes it dirty on purpose. Just then, Gwen barged in looking extremely upset. "Gwen what's the matter?" he exclaimed, rushing forward to put his hands on her shoulders.

"Y...You need to go to Gaius"

"What? Why is he sick?"

"No...He, he's fine, but...oh Merlin I can't say it, I'm not strong enough, I'm sorry" Her eyes were filled with tears, but Merlin thought he saw pity there as-well.

"Gwen you are very strong, one of the strongest people I know. Okay, alright I'm going" he tried to reassure her and he ran out of the room and down to his quarters.

When he opened the door to the physicians room, panic coursing round his body, Gaius was standing facing him, holding a letter tightly in both of his hands as if afraid someone would take it from him. When he saw Merlin his face fell and he closed his eyes, just a fraction of a second too long for it to have been a normal blink. Merlin's heart was thumping wildly. What had happened? Why was everyone so upset?

"Merlin, sit down, please" Gaius beckoned him over to a bench. Merlin stood where he was, frozen.

"Very well. I...have just received..." he began, brandishing the letter as if that would help him explain. "Merlin I'm so sorry, but your mother" he broke off, hesitating, as Merlin took a small steadying step backwards, his hand reaching for the solid door frame.

"What?" Merlin's prompt was a despairing whisper. It couldn't be, he'd got the wrong idea, she couldn't...

"She perished in a fire Merlin. I am so sorry"

Merlin stumbled backwards, and Gaius rushed to him and led him to a chair. He was in shock, and couldn't speak. He opened his mouth, and no sound came out but some forced croaks and sobs. Gaius cradled Merlin's head in his lap and waited for the tears to fall.

**Really hope you like this, please review and i'll update soon**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry it's so late, when i said i'd update after 5 reviews i honestly wasn't expecting them to come that quickly! I actually laughed out loud when i saw the amount of emails i had recieved from fanfiction when i got home from school. It made me so so so happy, so thankyou to everyone who reviewed or added me to their alerts or evven just read the story, i am reeaaalllly grateful for the encouragement. I would reply to all the reveiwers but i think it would be best just to update ASAP. I'm afraid there's going to have to be another part, this ones going on too long, so i'll update as soon as i've writted the last part, which should be soon because it's nearly half term. whoo! thanks again everyone, and enjoy!**

Arthur spent the rest of the evening worrying about Merlin. His servant didn't turn up before nightfall, so the prince got himself ready for bed. The next morning, Arthur was woken by the sunlight streaming through the windows. He must have forgotten to close them the night before. He sat up, and saw Merlin fussing at the table with a pile of clothes.

"Merlin!" he exclaimed happily, before remembering that he wasn't supposed to know that Merlin had been upset yesterday.

"Where were you?" He demanded, in what he hoped was a convincingly accusing manner. He immediately regretted his forced impatience though, because Merlin turned to him with such a look of despair on his face, that it was all Arthur could do to not jump up and envelope the smaller man in a hug.

"I'm sorry sire, I got...I was told..." he broke off, his face screwing up.

"It's alright Merlin" said Arthur quickly, because he had no idea what he would do if his servant started crying. "You don't have to tell me what happened. And you're excused. Do you want today off as-well? Because you look terrible." He said, as kindly as possible. It was true, though. Merlin looked as if he had not slept, his hair was even more of a mess than usual, and he had obviously been in the same clothes all night.

Merlin looked up at him in surprise.

"You're actually offering me the day off?" Arthur thought that it may have been a brave attempt to tease, him, but he couldn't be sure.

Merlin continued,

"Actually Arthur, I think working would take my mind off...things" he looked down at the floor.

"Of course" Arthur looked around the room. Well, he thought, Merlin will certainly be busy today. He has all his chores from yesterday to do, plus he has to polish my armour and clean my boots. Merlin was thinking the same thing, because he had started cleaning up the mess that Arthur invariably caused when left to his own devices. Arthur watched him for a minute, pretending to busy himself with something, and noticed his expression change from grim determination to frail and upset. Doing chores obviously wasn't going to take his mind off things, he thought. In fact, it was a stupid idea, how could doing boring repetitive tasks possible distract you from your thoughts? He made a snap decision.

"Actually, Merlin I was thinking I would go for a ride today. I would like you to go down to the stables and saddle up two horses."

"Yes Sire. Would you like me to get the hunting gear?"

"No that won't be necessary Merlin" His servant gave him a puzzled look, before going to the door.

"I shall meet you in the square in 10 minutes" Arthur called.

20 minutes later, Merlin came running into the square, carrying a bag.

"There you are" said Arthur crossly. "What's that for?" he said, gesturing at Merlin's pack.

"Food" he panted. "In case we're out past lunchtime"

Arthur tutted and jumped on his horse." You're such a girl Merlin"

They had been riding in silence for a long time now. Arthur had tried to start a conversation, but Merlin didn't feel like talking. He didn't feel like doing much at all in fact, and he was beginning to wish that he had accepted Arthur's offer of a day off. He had no idea where they were going, how long they would be out for, or what the point of this ride was. Arthur very rarely went riding for pleasure; he usually just went hunting when he wanted some down time. Suddenly Arthur turned round in his saddle and grinned at him.

"I tell you what, I'll race you" he said excitedly.

"Wh...What?" came Merlin's disbelieving reply.

"You heard me. Come on!" and he set off at a gallop through the woods. Merlin had no choice but to follow, and he soon found that he was enjoying himself, riding at breakneck speed, hot on Arthur's tail. Arthur stopped suddenly, and Merlin pulled hard on the reins to prevent a crash. He turned to his master, smiling, and Arthur smiled back, looking satisfied. The penny dropped.

"You're trying to cheer me up aren't you?" he asked, almost, but not quite, accusingly.

"Well you can hardly blame me Merlin, you were too miserable even to talk back to me, and your surly retorts are your only redeemable feature, remember?" Arthur shot back with a grin. Merlin's thoughts went to the last time Arthur had said that to him, in a dank room above a bar two years ago. He remembered the events that followed and felt his stomach twist painfully. Arthur must have noticed, because he jumped off his horse looking concerned.

"Come on Merlin, let's have some of that food" He tried desperately to change the subject. He had no idea what he had done wrong, but Merlin was upset again.

"I'll tie up the horses, and you find a good place to sit" he offered, and watched Merlin walk away into the surrounding forest.

When he found Merlin again, he was crouched by a boulder, staring intently at a fallen branch, with tears pouring down his face. Arthur sighed. It was going to take a lot more to make Merlin happy again. He braced himself, and decided to be gentle. It would be hard, but Arthur was sure that he would manage a little bit of sympathetic shoulder patting. He walked over quietly.

"Merlin" he said softly. The boy in question looked up suddenly, then down, and tried to brush away the tears. The sight of his friend in such a pitiful state seemed to grab Arthur's heart, and twist it viciously. He sat himself down.

"What is it Merlin? What's upset you?" concern etched all over his face. Merlin took a deep breath.

"My..." he started, but broke. He steeled himself and tried again. "I was... Gaius...received a letter. From Ealdor. There was...a fire...and my...my mother...my mother..." He broke off again, unable to contain the sobs.

Arthur reeled. No wonder he was inconsolable. He reached out instinctively, vaguely surprised that it came so easily, and put his arm around Merlin's shoulders.

"Ssshh" he held on tighter as Merlin's sobs began to slow.

"I could have saved her" He whispered hopelessly.

"What do you mean? Don't be an idiot Merlin, there was nothing you, or anyone could have done"

"If I had been there..."

"No. Don't even start to think like that Merlin. What could you have done?"

"I could have saved her" Merlin repeated forlornly. "I could have saved them"

"Them?" what do you mean?" Arthur was confused. Had someone else died in the fire? But Merlin was silent.

"Merlin, tell me." Merlin took another great shuddering breath, and let go. He was too tired to hold it all in any more, too tired of suffering in silence. Arthur would understand he was sure. And besides, he didn't have to tell him everything...

"Merlin, who else died? If you tell me it will help you I promise. You don't have to deal with this alone"

"I know" There was a long silence, and then he began.

**Sorry about that ol' cliffhanger there! please review again if you have time :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thankyou for all you reviews and alerts and favourites and things, i am quite oerwhelmed. I never thought that i'd get this much of a response, and the unexpectedness just makes it that much better i think. :) This isn't the last chapter (whoops) but it's not long now, honestly. Thanks again, and enjoy!**

_Previously..._

_He was too tired to hold it all in any more, too tired of suffering in silence. Arthur would understand he was sure. And besides, he didn't have to tell him everything..._

"_Merlin, who else died? If you tell me it will help you I promise. You don't have to deal with this alone"_

"_I know" There was a long silence, and then he began. _

_

* * *

_

"No one else died in the fire Arthur" he said in a shaky voice. Arthur watched the tear tracks on his face. "but other people have died..." he broke off, apparently unsure about how to continue. "Of course" Arthur thought, "Will! How could I have not realised, he hardly grieved for him – he must have bottled it all up. Oh Merlin" he thought sadly, "you could have said something. I'm sorry I've been so insensitive."

"Merlin this is about Will isn't it? You couldn't have saved him Merlin; there was nothing you could have done. Please don't blame yourself. I understand if you regret that he died saving me, if you think I should have taken the crossbow bolt..." he broke off at the look on Merlin's face.

"No, Arthur, I am very glad that he saved you, honestly" Arthur didn't think he had ever felt more relieved in his life.

"And no, it's not about Will. Not entirely." Arthur looked up again in surprise. "I...a girl I knew died as well"

"In Ealdor?" Arthur wasn't aware that there had been any female casualties...unless he meant before he had come to Camelot?

"No. In Camelot"

"In Camelot? But...when? Did I know her?"

"No. Well, sort of." Merlin said evasively. He clearly didn't want to talk about it. Arthur was just about to tell him that he didn't have to say anything if he didn't want to when Merlin spoke again.

"The druid girl." Merlin stared at the trees straight in front of him, his expression showed anger, mixed with pain and sorrow. Arthur stared at him, shocked.

"You knew her?"

"I got to know her, yes. We were going to... to run away together" he said, without looking at Arthur.

"It was you who helped her?" Arthur exclaimed incredulously. "You defied the king?" He didn't quite believe that Merlin would be brave enough to break the law. For some reason Merlin laughed at this, a joyless laugh that had Arthur wondering if he knew his servant at all.

"Yes, I defied the king Arthur" he said this without a hint of remorse or fear of retribution.

"But why? Why would you help her? Why would you leave Camelot for her?" he said. Leave me? He was thinking. Merlin turned to him then and looked him in the eye. Arthur saw something that he had never seen before in Merlin's eyes. He didn't know what it was, what it meant, but it was fierce, defiant, and completely unlike what he knew his clumsy, frightened servant to be. Yet it didn't look out of place, it was as if Merlin had felt these emotions before, but Arthur just hadn't noticed.

"Because I loved her Arthur. I love her"

Arthur reeled. He hadn't been expecting that. Suddenly he realised something, something terrible.

"And I killed her, didn't I" he looked at Merlin, shocked at the knowledge that he, Arthur had caused Merlin's anguish.

"Merlin I am so sorry. I couldn't have done anything else, my father had ordered... it was, sorry, _she_ was killing innocent civilians" He hated himself for justifying his actions, but the words just came out of his mouth before he could think. Merlin had to understand, he had to. He couldn't be allowed for a second to think that Arthur would have hurt him intentionally.

"It's alright, Arthur. You are not to blame, I realised that a long time ago". And for the second time that afternoon, Arthur was the most relieved that he had ever felt in his life.

As soon as he told Arthur about Freya, Merlin felt a huge weight that he hadn't even known was there, lift off his shoulders. It was a great feeling, it freed him a little from the great responsibility that fate had left him with, gave him some room to breathe again. He had to have more.

"There's more" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, taking him past the point of no return. Arthur looked at him questioningly.

"Do you remember...well of course you do, stupid question. When we went to find the dragonlord, Balinor" Arthur nodded, wondering where this was going.

"You were quiet the whole trip, and when he died you were beside yourself with grief. I saw you crying. Wait... did you know him too?"

"No I didn't know him. But I should have." Arthur looked more confused than ever. "Before we left, Gaius told me that it was he who had helped Balinor escape in the Great Purge" Merlin bit his lip, he hadn't meant to tell Arthur that, what if he told his father?

"Yes, my father suspected as much" Said Arthur matter-of-factly. "he forgives Gaius many things. They are good friends you know. He's even overlooked the fact that Gaius used to practise magic. Did you know that?" Merlin shook his head, a glimmer of hope sparking inside him. If _Uther_ could forgive his best friend for using magic, then... but Uther believes that Gaius hasn't practised magic for a long time. And when he was told once (falsely) that Gaius still used magic, he didn't hesitate to sentence him to death, did he, Merlin thought bitterly.

"Merlin?" Arthur looked at him expectantly.

"Sorry, I was...thinking."

"You were saying that Gaius had been the one to help Balinor escape"

"Yes. He told me that Balinor had gone to Ealdor." Arthur started to put together the pieces: Merlin's long silences on the journey to find the dragonlord, his grief when he had died, _"No I didn't know him, but I should have"..._

"He told me that Balinor was my father" Merlin said in a whisper. He could feel grief rising again, and he tried to suppress it, but talking about his father and Freya, especially Freya, brought up memories, and memories of raw and painful emotions that were hard to control. He shut his eyes and tried to breathe slowly. He felt the arm around his shoulders tighten its grip. It had never left, throughout their whole long conversation, Arthurs comforting arm had never slackened its grip on Merlin's shoulder.

Arthur was struck by just how much pain Merlin had had to bear in his life. The wonder was that he had never mentioned it to anyone. He had just kept it inside of him, suppressed it, until the pressure got too much, as it always did. No-one should have to go through that kind of pain alone, he thought, least of all _Mer_lin.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that Merlin. You should have told someone" _You should have told me_. Merlin sniffed, and took a deep breath.

"Well, I've told you now, haven't I?" He said, and smiled at his friend. Arthur grinned back, because Merlin hadn't smiled since yesterday, and he'd missed it.

"Yes, you've told me now. No more secrets to bear now" he said happily. The grin faded from his face as Merlin stiffened. He felt him relax soon after, but his answering smile seemed forced, and he didn't speak.

He hadn't meant to go all tense like that, it had just happened. One moment he was basking in the relief that someone else knew, that it wasn't just his burden, and that Arthur had been there for him, and the next he was reminded that he still hadn't told Arthur the most important secret of them all. He knew that he couldn't, that neither of them was ready. But Arthur noticed. He let go of Merlin's shoulder, retracted his arm so that it rested on his knees and drew back to get a better look at him.

"Is there something else Merlin?" His voice was filled with concern, but Merlin thought he had heard a note of accusation in the question.

"No sire, there's nothing" he said as convincingly as he could, looking straight at Arthur. Arthur stared at him, for a long time, scrutinising, and then turned away, as he had done so many times before, none the oblivious, never thinking that there must be more to it. Merlin was glad, it made his job that much easier. There was a pause, and then:

"I heard somewhere that the gift of the dragonlord is passed down from father to son." Merlin froze.

**This is getting alot longer than i thought it would be, but the next chapter will be the last, promise. Review?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the last part! I'm really not happy with this chapter, i don't know what it is, i just don't like it. Thankyou to everyone who reviewed, especially Whirlwind 421 and TheWeepingAngel for giving me advice, i hope the dialogue is better in this chapter you two, tell me what you think. Also thankyou to everyone who put this story on their alerts or favourites, or reviewed a chapter, and special thankyous and virtual hugs to anyone who reviewed all 3 chapters so far. I have had loads of ideas for one-shots in the past few days, so look out for them :) i hope you've enjoyed this so far...bye for now!**

"_I heard somewhere that the gift of the dragonlord is passed down from father to son". Merlin froze._

Merlin thought fast, trying desperately to find something he could say to cover up his mistake. Arthur sat close to him, but they weren't touching any more, and Arthur was looking at him with the strangest expression on his face. It reminded Merlin of the look on his face when they had just met, and Arthur had said "There's something about you Merlin, and I just can't put my finger on it".

In fact, Arthur was finally putting his finger on it. He thought back to the events of two years ago, when they had gone in search of the dragonlord. Merlin's strange, moody behaviour made sense now, as did his grief over Balinor's death, but there had been something, a huge something that had bothered him ever since that night in the clearing outside Camelot. Arthur had stabbed the great beast in the ankle with a spear, and not particularly hard, before being thrown backwards and knocked unconscious. When he came to, the dragon had disappeared, and Merlin was the only other conscious person in the field. Of course it hadn't been a fatal blow, and what was more, the dragon hadn't even died! Arthur felt like he had been slapped in the face. Not only had Merlin, his clumsy, lazy, idiotic, loyal, selfless Merlin been through more pain in his life than Arthur wanted to think about, he also had a power that Arthur could never dream of having. The thought made him slightly jealous, obviously, but also more than a little unnerved.

Arthur snapped out of his thoughts and focused his gaze on Merlin again. The boy looked _very_ nervous. Arthur had figured everything out in his head; he only had one question to ask: "Why didn't you kill it?"

"What? Kill what?" Merlin feigned innocence, it was his only hope.

"You know what, _Mer_lin. The dragon. Why did you let it go? It had killed innocent people." Merlin hung his head. Arthur had found out, there was no hiding it any more.

"He was the last of his kind, Arthur. Like me. I am the last dragonlord now, I just couldn't kill the only surviving member of a species, especially one so majestic and old. I commanded him to never harm Camelot or it's inhabitants again though, and he hasn't, has he?"

"I see." Arthur said shortly. Merlin held his breath, wondering what Arthur would do next. He was feeling extremely shaken, having poured his heart out to a man he never thought would listen, and having had to relive all those terrible memories. Arthur was thinking again, and didn't seem aware of Merlin becoming increasingly nervous.

"Arthur?" he said tentatively. The prince blinked, and looked at Merlin questioningly.

"What are you going to do?"

"Do about what?" It was Merlin's turn to blink. He hadn't been expecting that.

"About me being a dragonlord, sire. I hate to remind you, but your father doesn't really approve of magical talents..." He trailed off, wondering if Uther would still punish dragonlords in the same way that he did in the Great Purge. Old habits die hard, he thought, so probably.

Arthur frowned.

"Well what can I do Merlin? If I tell my father, he will have you put to death without a second thought. No, the only thing we can do is to try and keep this quiet for as long as possible. How you've managed so far, Merlin I'll never know. You're terrible at keeping your mouth shut about almost everything else"

"So you're not going to turn me in?" Merlin asked, his face open and hopeful.

"Of course not, you would be killed! I wouldn't turn you in if you told me you were the most powerful sorcerer that ever lived Merlin," He began, jokingly, then added quietly: "I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Merlin just stared at his companion open-mouthed. Could it be safe? Was it too good to be true? No, it wasn't, Arthur was being completely sincere, he was sure of it.

"What are you staring at Merlin, you look like a hungry man at the baker's stall. What did I say?"

You know what, thought Merlin, sod it. Arthur has a right to know, and I'm sick and tired of hiding all the time.

"Did you mean that? About not turning me in to you father even if I was a powerful sorcerer?"

"Of course I did, Merlin." Arthur lowered his voice again, ashamed that it was so hard to say. "I wouldn't be able to bear it if you died, especially if it was my fault." They looked at each other for a moment, Arthur willing Merlin to believe him, and Merlin trying (and succeeding) to find sincerity in Arthur's eyes. Finally Merlin spoke.

"Well, in that case, there is something else I'd like to tell you..."

**Please review and tell me what you think of the story as a whole, the plot, the characters, the dialogue, anything you can think of. Thankyou! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N - ****So i posted this story way back around the end of season three, and it got a surprisingly good response. One problem, though, was that people kept telling me to post the next chapter, and adding it to story alert. After i'd finished. I thought it was a glitch, or something, until i got a review (the first one for a few months) from LunaShadowWolf, (that's from memory, sorry if it's wrong) again telling me to write a new chapter. I realised that it just didn't seem finished to alot of people, so i have tried my best to bring it to some kind of conclusion. So, here it is. Since i hadn't written this story for months, i'm worried that i haven't got the characterisation and voices right, but i spent ages changing things, so i decided that this was as good a it's going to get. I hope it is in keeping with the first few chapters, and that everything makes sense and such. Enjoy! xx**

* * *

"_Well, in that case, I have one last thing I'd like to tell you..."_

Arthur frowned slightly, his mind running over the meaning of Merlin's words. He couldn't have meant that he actually was... no, don't be ridiculous Arthur. You're jumping to conclusions again. He inclined his head away from Merlin, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Well, out with it then. I'm certainly learning a lot about you today."

Merlin didn't speak. He stared at Arthur for a moment longer, and clenched his jaw, as if steeling himself for something. There was something in his eyes, Arthur thought. Some intensity that he had only caught glimpses of before. The silence stretched on and Arthur was beginning to be a little unnerved with the way Merlin was staring at him. Finally, the younger boy snapped his head round to face straight ahead. Still, he didn't speak.

"...Merlin?"

Merlin didn't reply, but stretched his arm out in front of him, as if reaching for something just out of his grasp. His arm shook like it was holding a heavy weight. Arthur's eyes widened. He didn't like the look of this, at all.

Suddenly Merlin spoke. Arthur didn't recognise the words, but the language was unmistakable. The Old Tongue. Arthur watched as his mouth twisted harshly to form the alien words, and his fingers curled and jerked violently. The prince was frozen in shock. Merlin? A sorcerer? The words didn't make sense. Then a sudden flash of gold in his manservant's eyes and the river rose up out of its bed and looped in the air, forming shapes and beautiful patterns. But Arthur didn't see. He was too busy staring, open-mouthed, at Merlin, who in turn hadn't taken his eyes off the water.

The quiet confidence with which he moved his fingers and the intensity of his gaze were strangely familiar to Arthur. He had seen them before, and never quite known what to think, or how to reconcile them with his usual perception of Merlin. But now, now everything fell into place. This revelation, as shocking as it was, made a strange sort of sense. Which was perhaps the weirdest thing of all.

Merlin's hand dropped, and his eyes closed. The water dropped back into a river with a slap, and the sound jolted Arthur out of his thoughts. Merlin kept his eyes closed, kept staring straight ahead, not wanting to look at Arthur, to see the pain and betrayal in his eyes.

"Huh." Arthur breathed, eloquently. Merlin opened his eyes, and looked at him searchingly, almost desperately. A moment of tense stillness, then Arthur breathed out sharply through his nose, jumping to his feet. Merlin flinched, but scrambled to his feet too, his gaze never leaving Arthur, who was currently backing away from him and shaking his head.

The prince was overwhelmed. He should be angry, aggressive, maybe a little scared. He had, after all been taught his whole life to fear magic. And he was angry, he was scared, but for the wrong reasons. Angry, because someone is lying here. Either his father, for teaching him that all magic is evil, or Merlin, pretending to be a loyal servant, _friend, _for all these years. The two men he trusted most in the world, mortal enemies by their very nature, and one of them had been lying to him.

But as he looked at Merlin, saw the deep, familiar sadness in his eyes; Arthur just couldn't believe that Merlin meant to hurt him, or Camelot. He stopped backing away.

"How long?" He managed after a beat.

Merlin swallowed, wet his lips, and stood to face Arthur before speaking.

"I was born with it." He said evenly, and Arthur heard the fierce pride in his voice, and knew that he was telling the truth.

Merlin stood a length away from Arthur, feeling like a nervous wreck compared to the prince's stock still form. His hands clenched and unclenched as he fought to stop them shaking. Should he keep talking, he wondered? Or is it better to stay quiet, and let Arthur think? He shifted uncomfortably on his feet in the silence. Finally he couldn't bear it any longer.

"The dragon told me when I first came to Camelot, that it was my destiny to protect you." Arthur didn't move. "I didn't believe him at first, or course: you were an idiot."

Not the best thing to say, under the circumstances, Merlin, he thought to himself, and cringed inwardly. Arthur's right about me and my big mouth sometimes, I should really learn to... but Arthur was smiling. His posture had relaxed and he was smiling hesitantly at Merlin.

"You're never going to change, are you?"

"No sire, not if I can help it." Replied Merlin, trying for a cheeky grin. His muscles failed him though, and it ended up looking more like he'd swallowed a holly leaf. Arthur blinked, finally, and looked away. Merlin could see him gathering his thoughts, and he could tell from his posture that everything was going to be ok. Arthur had understood. He felt his legs go weak at the thought that he had finally, after three years, revealed his deepest secret to the best friend he had, and everything was going to be ok.

Arthur snapped out of his reverie as Merlin sat down suddenly. He looked down at the warlockservant_friend_ who was looking back at him like he hardly dared to hope...and Arthur made up his mind. He closed the distance between them and crouched down next to Merlin, putting what he hoped was a reassuring hand on his arm.

"I said I wouldn't tell my father, and I won't. It seems I owe you more than I thought. Your secret is safe with me, but on one condition." Merlin's face had broken out into a huge goofy grin. "You tell me when you use magic, alright? No more secrets."

Merlin's smile shrunk, but didn't fade. He looked at Arthur warmly, grateful that he could finally be honest about himself.

"Deal."

* * *

**So that's it. definitely finished now haha :)** **Hope you liked :D**


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